It occurs to me often that my Indian movies addiction is really taking over my life. I think about how I used to be so excited when visiting another city, how I used to like taking long walks in the park on a weekend instead of staying in and watching movies, how I used to listen to the sound of the city rather than my iPod when walking around, how I used to be more social. Was that ever so, or am I distorting these memories? Was I really so much more outgoing and interested in the outside world, and has this new addiction really taken over my life?
Maybe not. Because then I remember little things like not going to school one day in grade 6 because I could not wait another day to read all 500 odd pages of “La Reine Margot”. Or listening to “Ocean Soul” - Nightwish on repeat for about an hour in front of a piece of shore in Oslo, Norway, celebrating the closest I had been to the ocean up until that point in my life. Or sitting in a hammock for hours looking up at the stars. And I realize then I had been waiting for something to consume all my resources all along. I've always been easily attracted to activities that imply me sitting with no one but myself and abandoning my reason completely to an outside entity. If I were not into this, I'd probably be a drug addict. Somehow I feel better about it when I put it that way.
Some people love to be the centre of attention, for everything that happens to somehow concern or include them. If I could live outside myself my whole life and let my physical being be filled with everything around me that I love, I would consider that my heaven.
As Nightwish in their infinite Scandinavian wisdom would say: “Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone”... Cheesy to the point of emo, I know, but cheese is something that this blog will feature as a main ingredient quite often.
12 hours ago