Delhi Belly Review/ Rave/ Rant/ Rumination

Delhi Belly is a movie about 3 roommates who end up at the mercy of the local goonda when a shipment of diamonds gets mixed up for a stool sample. With a little help from Lady Bad Luck, a lot of madness and a race against time ensue. With a plot as thin as this, it can be crazy fun, or you can be bored silly. But you have to make it to the theatre first in order to know the answer. So the first question is: how do you make people interested in a plot like this to begin with?


Here's the thing with marketing: unless it's for a product that is ridiculously costly and therefore cognitive dissonance kicks in to justify why you made the expense (cough Apple cough), marketing does not work beyond the true value of the product. At least that's what I like to believe. So marketing a film like Delhi Belly aggressively, which God knows is exactly what we have seen for the past couple of months, can only guarantee that a large amount of arses will be in those theatre seats. Nothing beyond that. It's the quality of the movie during the next 90 minutes that will bring those same arses back, or their friends' arses. Marketing won't do that. A bad film is a bad film is a bad film and no amount of buzz and promos will turn it into a good one. Look at Tees Maar Khan!... Yeah. I rest my case.

On the other hand, lack of good marketing can, and usually does, lead to a good product not succeeding because no one knows about it. And I have way too many film examples for that, I'm sure everyone does.

The fact is Aamir Khan Productions has long been known to have one of the best marketing departments in Bollywood, if not the best. And I know better than to congratulate Aamir Khan for it because he may be one of the brains, but this takes the efforts of a whole team and I think they all deserve equal praise for it. Let me make it clear that I count as marketing everything from various publicity stunts such as "looking for an item girl" for an item number that had already been shot long ago, to promos filled with swearwords, and even to the infamous DK Bose song. It's all marketing, and it's all aimed at getting those arses in those seats.

But much like "the body", the big marketing point of the Ghajini campaign, "the toilet humour" is given way more space in the promotional material (and certainly in reviews) than it actually has in the movie. And in both cases I can only add THANKFULLY at the end of that statement. Maybe because I had read plenty of spoilers about it but I knew every single gross moment before I even walked into the theatre, which helped a lot for me since I am quite squeamish about toilet humour. So you know, I do recommend you do the same if you're anything like me. Though in all fairness I have seen so much worse in more "harmless" Hollywood "comedies", so looking away during a couple of key moments was all it took.

On the other hand, hard language and sex humour don't bother me at all, so I needed no warnings for those, even though there have been many reviews outraged by them. There are two moments of situational comedy that are related to sex, and while I didn't laugh at them, I also didn't find them offensive in any way. Not to offend anyone but I think you'd have to be pretty narrow minded (and if you're a guy I pity your girlfriend) to not find those two situations relatable, even if the aftermath may have never actually happened to you. That's all I have to say about that, everyone has their own opinion I'm sure, and I have no intention of changing anyone's.

All in all, I wanted to take the first half of my Delhi Belly review to congratulate the people who made this marketing campaign happen because it's been a brilliant roller coaster ride. I may not have agreed with parts of it, and I'm sure everyone had their own eye-rolling moments before the movie opened, but at the end of the day this team did what it set out to do: get those box office wickets ringing. Past that, it's the job of the director, the actors, the script-writer and rest of the film crew to live up to the buzz.

So the second half of my review is here to tell you that yes, they did just that. Beyond the upset stomach sound bites and the insalubrious visuals (have I ever mentioned I HATE cockroaches, and especially close-ups of them??), there is a very funny script by Akshat Verma that makes the trip to the theatre worth one's while. I wish I had managed to remember all the one-liners and all the creative cusses (right now I can only recall a certain pair of earrings threatening to be made out of someone's... well, just figure out what's round and comes in pairs on the male body), but that's fine, I plan to go back to the theatre to revisit them. There are no long monologues, there are no scenes of teary explanations, in fact I doubt any of the lines took longer than 2 rows to get written; this script is snappy, fast and to the point. It works because of that. No wait, not just because of that.

For a script as sharp as this one, you need actors with instinctive comedic timing, it's not something you can just edit. Thankfully, Imran Khan, Vir Das, Kunal Roy Kapoor, Vijay Raaz and Poorna Jagannathan have all got it. I knew Vijay Raaz was a hoot from his Monsoon Wedding days, and I had seen glimpses of Imran and Vir's natural talent for comedy in I Hate Love Stories and Badmaash Company respectively, but Poorna was a revelation for me. She seemed so comfortable in the comedy scenes (and not to mention that mad chemistry with Imran) that I almost cried when I read that she's an LA based actress because I really want her back to stay in Bollywood.

Actually, comfortable is the key word for the whole cast: everyone seemed to have been born in their role, from the over-eager parents, to the idiotic gangsters, to the mousy landlord, to the kathak teachers.

Aiming for that comfort is the greatest gamble a film like this takes: one contrived performance, one over the top reaction, one line out of place and you have ruined the mad pace of a whole sequence. But hard as I try, I can't remember that happening at any point. Ok, maybe the two old white people, but they're only in the movie for 5 seconds.

The other reason why I found this film so engaging and so hilarious is there's a lot happening visually. Half of what happens has no words attached and none are needed. Facial expressions (and thankfully all these actors are great with their faces even when hidden by heavy layers of fabric, bruises or hair), chain reactions, little ironies of life (the doll going back onto the shelf of heirlooms being one of my favourites), all priceless moments that add up to a sumptuous visual treat. Abhinay Deo has really outdone himself on the direction in this one.

The music by Ram Sampath, it should also be said, is well suited for the film, even if to my great disappointment the picturization of Nakkaddwaley Disco, Udhaarwaley Khisko was not featured anywhere, and even the song was only featured in sound bites.



Sure, I Hate You (Like I Love You), in brackets, made up for that loss in parts, but I am still a little bitter about it. Most of the songs didn't have a full-on picturization, but they wouldn't have fit with the story either, so that was a good decision. It's one of those movies.

Delhi Belly is not ground-breaking, though I understand that lip service must be paid in a world where news of Akshay Kumar filming in Antarctica for Houseful 2 is presented as "never before done in Indian cinema". If there is anything about Delhi Belly that truly has earned this quantifier it's the marketing campaign.

In terms of the topics approached in the film, I would not say that they are intrinsically ground-breaking, however, the ease with which the movie flows through them is something I have never seen before. It's not that we haven't seen swearwords in a movie before, and hardcore ones at that, but we hardly ever see them so seamlessly integrated in everyone's speech (take No One Killed Jessica as an example of how *not* to do it). It's not that we haven't seen erection bumps or talk about lesbians before in Indian films, but I'd be hard pressed to find a movie where it's been done so casually, with such a matter-of-fact attitude. When other films are still struggling with kissing, it is actually pretty impressive to see a movie that treats adult content maturely. It may sound like an oxymoron, because sex humour as well as toilet humour are both considered juvenile (even by me most of the times), but that's I suppose exactly where this movie exceeds all expectations, in making the statement that: it's not such a big deal!

I decided at the beginning of this review to not go all fangirly about Imran Khan and how this movie has only reinforced my adoration for him (and trust me it's really hard to stick to that resolution), so I will end with a note on the infamous item number by none other than Aamir Khan. If Shah Rukh has always wanted to do a superhero movie, we can safely say that this item number is one of those things that Aamir Khan has always secretly wanted to do. I can't even recall the last time I saw someone having so much ridiculous fun! I was tempted to cover my eyes a few times while watching "I Hate You (Like I Love You)" not because it was ridiculous (which of course it was), but because I almost felt like I was invading Aamir Khan's privacy. He was enjoying this number so much it really seemed like it should be illegal, or at the very least behind closed doors.



Of course it would be in really bad taste to end this with a cheese rating, as much as I miss doing those, so I'll skip that and just say: ignore the shit, throw all your expectations out the window, and just see the movie. You'll probably find it worth your while. I didn't think I would myself, but here I am writing a rave review about it. Go figure!

Break Ke Baad - The Best Rom-com of the Year???

Namak: I don't know why the reviews for it are so bad, I quite enjoyed it.

Dolce: YOU liked it? You don't even like rom-coms!!

Namak: And nor do you, so that's a moot point. Sure it's no Dil Chahta Hai or Jab We Met, or even an Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani, but of everything we've seen this year in the genre, this was the best one. Think about it: for sure it's better than I Hate Luv Storys...

Dolce: Which we own and saw twice in the theatre.

Namak: It was infinitely better than Anjaana Anjaani...

Dolce: Which we own and saw twice in the theatre.

Namak: And let's not even mention Aisha or Kites!

Dolce: Which we both hated but will still buy when they're cheap enough.

Namak: Lookit, just because I overindulge in your silly crushes on Ranbir, Imran, Abhay and Priyanka doesn't mean any of them were good films.

Dolce: Ouch. Burn. But it's not all me, you're the one who wanted to see Kites! You wanted to laugh at it.

Namak: Fine, that one was my doing. Either way. Just saying that of everything we've seen this year, this one stands out.

Not that it means much to stand out compared to garbage movies, but I figured with all the bad reviews, it was perhaps a good idea to put aside my Wake Up Sid post for another day and make a case for Imran Khan and Deepika Padukone starrer Break Ke Baad (link to trailer).

This is your typical rom-com set-up, of the "we love each other but have different expectations from life" variety. Abhay and Aliya have known each other since they were kids, were together for 10 years, now they're adults and he wants to settle down, while she wants to pursue her dream of becoming an actress. Away from him. I know they say the movie is supposed to be about needing space in a relationship, but I didn't see that angle at all, this wasn't about space, it was about being selfish and spoiled. On Aliya's side. And about being a clingy doormat on Abhay's side. I suppose you can look at it as one of them needing space and the other not being used to giving it, but it didn't look to me like she needed a break, it looked like she was trying to get the hell away from him.

Anyways, back to the plot ---- wait, what plot? Oh right, it's a rom-com, the plot doesn't really matter. No really, there's nothing earth shattering there, and I didn't particularly care for the ending either, but then again, what rom-com doesn't have a cheesy ending? Even a classic like Dil Chahta Hai is guilty of that.

No, this genre doesn't make a living off coming up with innovative ways to fall in love and break up, so there's no point in even talking about the plot. You know what type of movie you're going in for, complaining about the plot would be like complaining about snow in Canada (and of course, we do that almost every day for 6 months of the year, and sometimes even in the summer when we remember). This genre's bread and butter are performances, chemistries and situations. And in these departments I found it to be quite rewarding.

First of all Imran. He's not as devilishly adorable as he was in I Hate Luv Storys, in fact his character is a bit of a bore, but he manages to make it fun nonetheless. He seems to have an endless supply of facial expressions and eyebrow movements (I swear his eyebrows do yoga: he could even make them stand on his head if he wanted to!).
There's a scene in the beginning where he is practicing proposing to Aliya so he is imagining her reaction and her lines and ends up playing both roles in the mirror, I just about died laughing. His line delivery is another one of his best features: it's sharp and punchy in the fun scenes, and gracefully lyrical in the dramatic ones. Mercifully they didn't make him do the two things that he makes me cringe with: dancing and crying. So all in all, he could do no wrong with this role.

Deepika Padukone is not one of my favourite girls, but she keeps up quite well. It's not her fault the script made her character a little too zingy for its own good. But she pulls it off. And she definitely rocks some very skimpy desiwear, which is always a plus in my book.

Even in the bits where Aliya is clearly trying way too hard to be a rebel, Deepika manages to make her reasonably believable. Plus she does a pretty good drunk!

Namak: On a separate note, is it just me or are all the characters in Indian rom-coms these days completely asexual? In a movie like Wake Up Sid it doesn't bother me, because the movie focuses more on friendship than love, but Break Ke Baad could have done with a little bit of sizzle. 

Dolce: But they keep breaking up, they're hardly ever together.

Namak: I get it that they're breaking up, but I find it hard to believe that there's no sexual tension at any point in this process. It's like these days movies either go the scandalous route, or they completely shy away from even hinting that a couple would actually be attracted to each other that way.  

Dolce: There are a couple of scenes where it's implied. Sort of...

Namak: It's implied that what, they kiss??

Dolce: Uh... That he... sleeps over sometimes...

Namak: Hm... a pretty feeble attempt if you ask me.


But back to the rest of their chemistry. The chemistry is what I am usually afraid of in a movie like this. However, happy to report that worked well for me. The scene where they get drunk on the rooftop and Aliya calls herself Shah Rukh Khan and Abhay calls himself Sunita is one of the best in the film. As are some of their fights.

Which brings me to why I liked this movie above the other ones in recent memory: the script. I liked the long distance relationship angle. I found it particularly funny (and very real) how they would start a conversation on the phone and turn it into a fight for some mindblowingly ridiculous reason. Whoever wrote those dialogues must have been in this situation or if not, hats off, because they captured it brilliantly. And speaking of brilliant scenes, their fight in the men's washroom is another highlight for me. Not in terms of characters, because that's the scene that proves beyond doubt that Aliya is a selfish brat and that Abhay is essentially a wimp, but because their circular arguments once again reminded me of so many real life situations where both parties are asking each other to just listen but neither of them is willing to actually do that, so they keep throwing the ball aimlessly from one end of the court to the other without really resolving anything. Ah... Good stuff!

Other scripting gems are to be found everywhere in the film, starting with Abhay's aunt rubbishing Devdas with something along the lines of "There is nothing sexy about that man", and ending with all of Nadia and Cy's banter, there wasn't a dull moment in the entire 2 hours.

And speaking of Nadia and Cy, the other main reason for liking Break Ke Baad was that it's been so damn long since we've seen some good supporting characters. Aliya and Abhay's friends in Australia were the best sidekicks I've seen since Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na. Nadia is one hot tamale, and her no nonsense, cynical attitude complemented her brother Cyrus' uselessness like two peas in a pod. Plus they're not only there for comic relief (though Cyrus had me laughing in almost every scene), they actually help develop the plot and we get to see them plenty (maybe not so much in the stills and trailers though).

And since this was meant to be a positive response to all the negative reviews, I guess I'll leave on a good note, without talking about all the things that were silly, inane and ridiculous (because there is quite a number of those as well), but not before mentioning Vishal - Shekhar's excellent songs Adhoore and Ajab Leher which were my favourites before the film and I love them even more after the picturizations. I didn't notice when they played Main Jiyoonga or its English counterpart Don't Worry About Me, but maybe I missed it? At any rate, pleasant soundtrack and fitting lyrics. Again, a cut above everything else I've seen this year. As if my massive Vishal Dadlani crush needed any more fuel!



Break Ke Baad is like... a grilled cheese sandwich. There's nothing innovative about it and you've had it a million times before, and the cheese in your fridge is getting stale which is why you're making it in the first place, but there's something very right about it when you have it and it leaves a satisfied smile on your face when you finish it.

Boy, Oh Boy, These New Bolly Boys!

My inner fangirl has been neglected lately, I feel, so it seems like it's time to give her her due. And what better way to do that than a rant about this new generation of Bollywood actors that consistently blow my mind in the best ways possible!!

It's pretty funny how my favourite young man in Bollywood, Shahid Kapoor, at 29, is not even part of the new generation anymore. With over a dozen films, he sure seems like a veteran by now. So I guess I can't squeeze him on this list as much as I would love to. But that's ok, as they say, plenty more where that came from! Let's see...

FARHAN AKHTAR

Technically not a newcomer since the boy has been making movies since the turn of the century (I love how big that sounds, even though it's only 10 years!), and definitely not a boy since he's actually 36 (and a Capricorn - big yay for all the Capricorns in the film industry! Another one coming up in this list, there's just something about them...). But since his proper acting debut wasn't until 2 years ago, I consider him very much a newcomer. And since he's only done 3 movies, I have no problem picking my favourite one: Luck By Chance! One of the best Bollywood movies of all times, one that I will never get tired of recommending!

So what's there to love about Farhan? For one he has a killer asymmetrical smile that crumples up his whole face in the most adorable way, then he has that raspy voice that is to die for, he is incredibly funny in his talk-show "Oye, It's Friday!", he's subtle and brilliant in his acting, and the cherry on the cake: he wrote and directed Dil Chahta Hai, the movie that brought Bollywood romance into the 21st century, when he was only 26! Talented you say? I say: proof that there is no justice in the universe!

Also, the fact that he is now shooting for Zoya Akhtar's next movie, Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara, with the next yummy Bolly boy on my list increases his appeal exponentially. (As does the fact that he's grown his hair longer again.)

ABHAY DEOL

I confess I still have difficulty pronouncing his name right, even after extensive research down to the Devanagari script of his name (which no one seems to pronounce the way it's written), so hopefully I'll never run into him on the streets of Toronto and have to shout after him to get another look at his larger than life dimples. Oh who am I kidding, the day I saw him from relatively up close at the Toronto Film Festival in 2009 my hands were shaking so badly that I didn't even manage to get a good picture of him until he turned around. I got this boring guy instead, and a good shot of Abhay's shoulder and cheek... What an epic fail!

But all that drama aside, like all the other newcomers it seems, Abhay took his sweet time to grow on me, but grow he did. In fact he grew on me so much that I was even digging his mustache in Manorama Six Feet Under. And yes, that was before I got into South Indian movies and started seeing the light about mustaches altogether.

Abhay is what we would call the anti-hero of his generation. He doesn't do the song and dance routine (though sadly that seems to have become the norm, instead of the exception), he doesn't do loverboy roles (except for Ahista Ahista and Socha Na Tha, his first two movies), he hates to promote his movies, and get this one: he's smart! Whoa!

His choice of movies has always been on the eclectic side, and despite having seen them all, I have trouble naming a favourite. Maybe Road, Movie? Maybe Dev D., his brilliant take on the done-to-death (and horribly done at least in this century) Devdas? The dark drama Manorama Six Feet Under? But then he's so adorable in Socha Na Tha! See, I just can't decide! Maybe Road Movie after all...

Abhay for me is for the new generation what Aamir Khan is for the old one: the pathbreaker, the thinker and the only one whose movies I will reserve the entire opening weekend for, because no matter what movie it is, there is no doubt in my mind it will be brilliant enough for me to want to see it at least twice in the theatre. A random guy I met at the Film Festival last year said it best: "Abhay Deol is the only actor whose movies I have no problem showing to a Westerner, even to a Bollywood-hater-by-default, because I know I can't go wrong with them."

RANBIR KAPOOR

Ahhh... Ranbir... This one took the longest to dig the tunnel to my heart, but now that he's there, there's no removing him. What took me so long? I'm not going to lie, it was his looks. He just didn't appeal to me. And I am convinced the only reason I find him appealing now, 6 movies later, is because he's become like an old friend. My opinion of people's looks always reflects what I think of them: the people I dislike look ugly to me, while my friends all seem damn good looking. It's perhaps my way of solving the cognitive dissonance created by liking someone as a person and disliking their looks (call me shallow, it's ok, I know it). Ranbir just fit into that pattern: it got to the point where he felt so familiar in his movies, like I should know what he's going to do next (and I mean that as a compliment), that my brain just confused him for a friend, and ta-dah... made him good looking! Go figure...

Looks aside, clearly there must be something to him if I was watching all his movies even when I was comparing his charm to that of a vacuum cleaner. Well there's no denying he's a wonderful actor, but there are some things he positively excels in. He's energetic, he's full of life and most importantly he feels real. On top of that no one does confused better than Ranbir, no one does bemused better than Ranbir, no one does hurt puppy better than Ranbir and definitely no one in the new generation dances better than Ranbir. Give me ten movies in a row with him playing a good for nothing, a la Wake Up Sid! and I will not even require popcorn to watch them all!

And because this one is better seen in action than in pictures:

IMRAN KHAN

If I hadn't written this list in alphabetical order by last name, Imran would have probably been first, because right now, I am crushing on him a little too much for decency. Not enough to make me forget his lack of dancing skills (I have definitely been spoiled by Allu Arjun's mad energy and talent), but enough to make me forget that I was not going to buy any more new movies at least until next month. Kidnap had better be worth it, or rather, I know it's not worth it, but Imran had better make it worth it!
Somehow after seeing this:

I think he'll manage just fine!...

As the huge Aamir Khan fan that I am, I was so happy to discover just how much of uncle Aamir's features Imran has inherited (physically but also acting-wise). Which makes me think that maybe Bollywood did get it right: maybe acting talent IS genetically ingrained. When he can sell me a bad movie like I Hate Luv Storys (sic), I simply must bow to his charm and screen presence.

I do have a soft spot for actors with good facial expressions, the ones that no frame is wasted on because their face is never idle (Shahid is the other one at the top of this list for me), so I suspect that's what won me over about Imran. He seems so spontaneous in his acting, and he puts the fun back into watching Bollywood. Not fun the opposite of boring, but fun the opposite of serious. All that on top of the fact that he is ridiculously good looking and he has the perfect body (ok, maybe he shares that title with Ranbir). What more can a girl ask for? Did I mention he's also a Capricorn?

My favourite thing about this new generation is that I get to love them all! Unlike the Era of the Khans where fans were polarized (myself included: out of the three, I can't stand two of them), this new generation is the Love Generation, where no rivalries have shown their ugly faces yet, and comparisons are useless because these guys are so different in their range that they CAN each have their own place without outshining one another.