Who Rocked It Best

I see these articles all the time on my yahoo page comparing identical outfits worn by two different stars, and I'm always impressed by how creative some of them get and how they manage to change the outfit completely by accessorizing it in all kinds of funky ways. But I'm not into fashion enough to have my own version for Bollywood outfits (and I'm sure it exists anyway), and in fact I seem to have such bad taste that usually I disagree vigorously with the votes of the stylists who write these things.

But no matter. What I'm trying to get at is that just like outfits, films can have a similar or even identical theme or plot, but accessories such as picturizations, main actors, script and delivery make them so different. So this is my version of "Who Rocked It Best ", evidently, for Bollywood films, based on films I watched recently.

*** The parody that includes a film within a film

Tees Maar Khan, Farah Khan's latest outing is of course the first one that comes to mind. But as excited as I was for its release (despite Akshay Kumar being the hero, which hardly ever ends up well for me), I came out of the theatre almost depressed. What a great movie this could have been, if only it were funny. But it wasn't. And I usually love Farah Khan's sense of humour, God knows I laugh every time I watch her other two movies, and that's often by the way.

This other little movie called Dhoodte Reh Jaoge on the other hand, approaches the same theme: a garbage movie is being produced by the main characters with the twisted end goal of getting rich, and we get to witness the whole process of the movie being scripted and shot, plus we even see scenes and songs from the film. Just like in Tees Maar Khan. Heck, they even have a silly theme song that keeps getting played over and over and over until all you can hear is "dhoond-te reeeeh jaooge" in your head, long after the movie is over.

But DRJ pulls off the funny much better. Probably because they don't just rely on name dropping to create comedy, but rather on subtle (or not so subtle) send-ups to other films that get spoofed with gusto, but also without malice. Probably because there is an actual plot beside the making of the film (even if the plot is borrowed from the famous musical The Producers). Probably because the actors in it can actually act. Or who knows, maybe because I just didn't get the references in TMK. Bottom line is, DRJ rocks it!

Dolce, as the resident Farah Khan fangirl made a weak attempt to defend TMK, which went like this:

Dolce: There were parts of TMK when we laughed, no? Like the train robbery?

Namak: That's true, Akshaye Khanna did a good job with his role, he was the only thing funny about this film.

Dolce: And then there's Sheila Ki Jawani, that's gotta count for something! It's a rocking song!

Namak: Myees, agreed, Sheila is worth a look or two... But I'll see your Sheila and raise you a Kunal Khemu. Actually wait, I just remembered Sonu Sood also looks particularly fabulous in DRJ and he does an impression of Amitabh Bachchan, so... all in!

Dolce: Okie dokie... guess I can't beat that with my pair of aces.

*** The thriller-drama that offers a very critical look at people's superstitions and what happens if one gives in to them

Predictably, the first example: Delhi 6. A wonderful story about India and its fears and hopes seen through the eyes of an Indian who grew up elsewhere. A kaleidoscope of characters and images that will stay with you for months after seeing the film. And a set of performances that are worthy of heartfelt praise. Sadly Delhi 6 stumbles upon a threshold called "lack of subtlety" and trips into the open arms of the "House of Clunky". If only the last half hour had had the finesse and the elegance of the first hour and a half...

And how surprising, to find that elegance in a children's film like Makdee. Also a poignant expose of the damage that giving in to superstition causes, but handled, in a far less preachy way. And a more consistent style throughout. Of course, it is a Vishal Bhardwaj film after all. As predicted, Makdee rocks it.

*** The romantic idea of sacrificing your love for the happiness of your loved one

Yes, yes, no points for guessing my first example: Jab We Met. Brooding boy falls in love with bubbly outgoing girl, but she loves someone else, so he takes her back to him with unpredictable results. My love for this film probably has everyone nauseated by now, so I won't insist.

And here there are many other films with a similar theme, of which Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Anjaana Anjaani and Mujhse Dosti Karoge are just the first ones that come to mind. And I may have just spoiled all three of them for you, but a) heck, you should have seen them by now, not because they're good but because they're talked about and b) I already said the results are unpredictable, so there, not spoiled at all.

But the film that made me think about Jab We Met recently was Tanu Weds Manu, which is running in the theatres as we speak. Manu is the shy boy played by a perfectly cast Madhavan, while Tanu is the rebellious girl played with much enthusiasm by Kangana Ranaut. Some lovely songs, beautiful cinematography, great support characters. But sadly, the two main characters slip into caricature mode too often and their bond is not plausible as much as one is willing to give in to filmi conventions such as love at first sight. I appreciated Aditya's capacity to walk away (twice!) that much more after seeing Manu turned into a doormat in the same situation.

Well, at least it has good songs!


Do I even have to say it? Jab We Met still rocks it.

*** The Intertwining stories with multiple couples at different stages in their relationships

Salaam-e-Ishq and Life in a Metro.

This was a tough choice to make, and here's how the conversation went:

Dolce: Aah, SEI has Priyanka in a delightful role. Plus it has the best songs!

Namak: Errr... Yeah, whereas Metro has... Pritam. Yikes. But that said, the songs aren't bad.

Dolce: Not at all, the songs are ok, but the picturizations all belong on VH1, in a show called: "90s Metal - What in the Name of Thor Were They Thinking??". Whoever thought it a good idea to have Pritam and presumably his high school band actually appear in every picturization? 

Namak: Heh, I'm afraid that's true. But still... SEI is so filmi!

Dolce: We like filmi! Filmi means wonderful and colourful and glamorous and...

Namak: ...And ridiculous!

Dolce: Ok, but so what?

Namak: At least Metro had some better developed stories, some more gripping situations, instead of Anil Kapoor chasing after some 16 year old. 

Dolce: Yes, that was a bad song, I agree.

Namak: No, forget the songs, just imagine neither film had any songs, which one makes more sense?

Dolce: Ok, fine, Metro is the slightly better film, but come on, you can't have Bollywood without songs!!! And without filmi situations that would never happen in real life!

Namak: No, I suppose you can't.

So I guess it's a tie: if filminess makes you grin from one ear to the other, then Salaam-e-Ishq rocks it. If a more down to earth type of film with real people that could live next door is more your thing, then Metro it is. Just as long as you can deal with songs that all look like this:



And this concludes today's episode of Who Rocked It Best... not because I'm out of comparisons, but because the length of this post is already starting to rival my emails, and I am kind enough to only inflict those on a select few.

Band Baaja Baaraat and other fluff

It seems that whenever I write about Bollywood around here, it ends up being about serious, artsy films. Which makes sense since they are pretty much my favourite genre. But Bollywood is also all about crowd-pleasing, and lest I give the impression I am that hard to please (even though I am), perhaps it's time to talk about one of the fluff-balls too, for a change, and postpone my review of Traffic Signal for another less snowy day.

First of all, thank you Jyothi, Swati and everyone else who was on my case about watching Band Baaja Baarat! I had high expectations for it, and surprisingly it didn't fail me.

Bollywood seems to make only one perfect ball of glittery fluff every year, at least for my tastes. In 2007 it was Salaam-e-Ishq. In 2008 it was Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi. 2009 gave me Dil Bole Hadippa. And now Band Baaja Baarat in 2010. Hm... most of them Yash Raj Films. Honourable mention to Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani, but since it doesn't tick all the boxes, I'll leave it out for now. Why am I not including other rom-coms like Jab We Met Wake Up Sid and Love Aaj Kal? Because for me there is a huge difference between a good rom-com and a ball of fluff, even though I truly appreciate both. A ball of fluff will give me great colours, fun songs, good looking people in the lead, one (or several) very improbable love stories, and not much else. But the "not much else" is completely irrelevant because a successful ball of fluff will make me grin happily from ear to ear for no good reason at all. Will I think about the characters or analyse the situations to catch the more subtle meanings of the events? Nope. Will I rave about the eloquence or sharpness of the script? Nope. Am I meant to? Nope. Good, then everyone is happy!

So what does it take to create the perfect glittery ball of fluff? By the way, someone elbow me when you get tired of this expression, because I have plenty of other metaphors I can use, though I am trying really hard to stay away from words like cotton-candy, bubble-gum and other pink objects typically used to describe this type of film.

But back to the original question: What does it take? Surprisingly, all it takes is some basic science!

Newton's Prism

First of all it takes at least two good looking actors who look great in traditional clothes. Not just traditional clothes, like in Jab We Met, but in the kind of clothes that would make the rainbow hide in shame! The more colourful the better. No respectable fluff ball will ever roll without its unique gang of fashion designers and set designers that can mix hot pink, bright yellow, shaadi red, satin baby blue and every other shade of the spectrum in its brightest form and still make it look good. Proof:

Obviously the more "Yash Raj Films" we have in the mix, the brighter the colours become. Yash Raj is like Newton's prism: whatever comes in is dull and colourless, and out it comes as a rainbow!

Auditory Cortex Stimulents

I find all the studies about what makes a song catchy fascinating, and this type of research seems to be in its infancy, but Bollywood nails it so well that they must have gotten a head start in it. A good beat, plenty of repetition, easy lyrics to sing along to, and there you have it! Every fluff ball movie has at least one song that will outlast all your braincells: Saiyyan Re, Salaam-e-Ishq, Haule Haule, Dil Bole Hadippa, Diskowale Kisko, and now Ainvayi Ainvayi:



Puppies

Well, not really puppies per se, but moments that feel like you're looking a picture of cute puppies playing with each other. I think I read a study at one point about why women are more inclined to be attracted to soft squishy stuff, but I promptly forgot it. I do know for sure that there is a science to that too, and these kinds of movies speak to exactly the same areas of the brain as white kittens, big eyed stuffed animals and, I guess for some people, human babies. We're not supposed to think about the selfishness of one character or about how plausible the future of another one is, and how could we when they stare at us with those sweet smiles, beautiful eyes and their hearts glued to the screen! A proper fluff-ball has to activate our hearts and deactivate our brains as efficiently as a picture of cute puppies, or else, it will not work. Because once we get down to actually thinking about the situations and the characters... but no, I won't do it. Why ruin some perfectly satisfying films for myself!

Come on, use your brain, I dare you!

But really what it all comes down to : Fluff!! Loads and loads, truckloads full of fluff!

What do I call fluff? Well pretty much everything that doesn't add anything to the story but distracts you in such a way that you would never want to do without it: busy sets, bubbly friends, payal sounds, crowds of people, improbable but funny situations, in short a party-like atmosphere. You know which parties I'm talking about: the ones where you spend all night chatting and the next day you only remember having had a great time, but none of the actual conversations. Or does that only happen to me? At any rate, Band Baaja Baarat, Dil Bole Hadippa and the like are exactly like one of these parties to me: no lasting substance but a great feeling at the end, and for sure I could not do without them in my life!

A good story too, you say? Nah... a decently told classic story is more than enough. Not like I'll be talking about the plot when I try to sell the movie to my friends, it is after all... another love story: hate each other, love each other, too proud to do something, too in love to do something else, tears, smiles, flirt, fights... a love story, enough said.

Still smiling when I think about Band Baaja Baarat, by the way!...
Now who will get this title song out of my head, please? I've been singing it all day, I think my neighbours are considering selling their place or at least selling their ear drums!

My Girl-crush on Priyanka Scares Me...

Not because she's gorgeous and walking perfection from her lips to the impeccable shape of her legs... which of course she is.

Also not because she has grace, attitude and poise like not other... which of course she does. I can't imagine anyone else (still active in the industry) owning that catwalk like she did in Fashion, even if the movie had issues I can't even begin to rant about. I never would have made it past the first drugs and alcohol cliche had Priyanka not been the real show-stopper of the movie.



Surely it's also not because she's an exquisite dancer, who genuinely seems to enjoy shaking it even when she doesn't do very complex moves, and who's certainly not scared of looking goofy once in a while either.



Though I do wish she would dance more: I mean, is it really too much to ask for each of the 12 avatars in What's Your Rashee to have a proper dance? Sheesh!... Then again, the dancing is probably the least of one's concerns when thinking about What's Your Rashee, considering that was the movie when Ashutosh Gowariker decided he would do a tutorial for the world on how to best waste a good idea and some great talent (and by great talent I am referring to Gowariker and Priyanka, not to the man with less charisma than a box of Cheerios, also known as Harman Baweja).

Oh well, I'll always have Saiyaan Re.



But back to why it's scary that I like her so much...

Definitely not because she's a good actress, which she really is. No one, and I mean no one could have rescued the disastrous attempt at telling a story in Anjaana Anjaani. Calling it a story might actually be misleading now that I think about it. Better to call it a "kaleidoscope of fail", which actually kind of rhymes with the many failed suicide attempts that the hero and heroine expect us to buy. But Priyanka and Ranbir sold me that DVD the moment it sees the light of day, and it's because they're having so much fun with those roles that it is a joy to just watch them... act.



To think that I didn't even break my laptop while watching Krrish, though God knows even at the peak of my irrational and completely delusional admiration for Hrithik (which thankfully I have been cured of since) I didn't think that was a good movie. 

I even made it through Drona... which out of respect for her and Abhishek, I won't even start on...

And this gets me to exactly why having a crush on Priyanka scares me. Because the only good movies I have seen with her have been Kaminey and... um... uh... er... right, well, Kaminey. Ok, that's a lie, I also liked Salaam-e-Ishq, but despite being the most fun character in that movie, she had to share the screen time with another 11 actors and actresses, which makes it hard to call it her movie. Actually I suppose the same could be said about Kaminey, which means I have technically not seen any good Priyanka Chopra movies. Wow! That... is very scary...

Well... there we have it. Guess all I can do now is wish she would start putting all this talent to good use already. If not, I have some hope for Bluffmaster, but after that I am stuck with watching Pyaar Impossible and Love Story 2050, which is a pretty terrifying prospect.